


intention.

by ragnsvindr



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:27:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25241635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragnsvindr/pseuds/ragnsvindr
Relationships: Kim Wooseok | Wooshin/Lee Jinhyuk
Kudos: 4





	intention.

I swear it wasn’t my intention to fall in love with you.

Each morning, I get to see your face, your bright smile that defeated the sun, to inhale your body scent (you reek of vanilla with a bit aroma of faint cigarette) that always calms me down, to sit next to you and talked about small things like politics, books, annoying people at work, or how we would just wish to have a normal day without something or someone ruining it.

Each morning, I had to control this rapid heartbeat that made me feel dizzy from the anxiety; thinking how I was so afraid you might hear the thump of my pounding heartbeat, to hold back a warm and fuzzy feeling in my chest so you wouldn’t notice how I was blushing from my cheeks all the way down to my ears and neck, to hold back a grin since I didn’t want to look like an idiot each time you ruffled my hair alongside with a chuckle (that sounded like a hell of a beautiful melody to me).

Each morning, I had to suppress my feelings for you. I can’t mess things up. Not for you, Jinhyuk. Not for you.

“Wooseok,” the sound of your voice snaps me back to reality, and I blush for having a war flashback of your figure every morning we’ve spent together before. He sits next to my hospital bed, taking my left hand in his warm, loose grip. “Who did this to you?”

My throat feels dry. And before I can open my mouth to speak, a nurse comes into the room and flashes us a grin, “Good morning, Mr. Kim,” she says, bowing a little. I smile back at her, darting my gaze toward my left hand that’s still in Jinhyuk’s loose grip, and my smile gets warmer. “Are you his husband?”

Wait, I haven’t told you about this part.

Jinhyuk is my husband. We got married a year ago, just when my Father’s company was about to go downhill if it weren’t for Jinhyuk’s father that plays the hero of this story. Long story short, I had to marry this guy in exchange for a better future of the company. Yes, an arranged marriage.

“Not so good?” Jinhyuk asked me that night when we were sitting on a round table at the wedding party, enjoying the food served before us. He leaned forward toward me, his lips near my ear so I could hear every word he said due to loud music that was being played.

I furrowed my eyebrows, and took a sip of my red wine, “Are you asking me about the food or the fact that I’m no longer a bachelor and is married to a stranger—I’m sorry if it came out rude, but I really don’t know _know_ you, you get what I’m saying?—and I have to swallow the hard pill that my life looks like a telenovela because of the arranged marriage?” I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that Jinhyuk just let out a chuckle. God, it sounded annoying.

“I’m asking you about the food, Wooseok,” his shoulders were shaking and he had a huge, dumb grin on his face. He seemed okay with this arrange marriage and I wondered why. “But, yeah, being puppets for our parents’ company isn’t so good either.”

I puffed my cheeks and stared at the dessert before me. I had no appetite even though it seemed delicious. Maybe Jinhyuk noticed how the cheesecake got my mouth watering, hence he took a spoonful of it and offered it to me, “Eat it, Jinhyuk. It’s from your plate.”

“I don’t feel like eating,” he said, still holding the spoon in front of my mouth. “If you eat this, I’ll take a bite from your plate. Then, we’re even.”

Sounds fun, I rolled my eyes before I finally agreed to open my mouth and eat the cheesecake he’d feed me. Some of the people on our table (our parents and some other CEOs of other companies) were cooing at how adorable we were. I forced a smile as I chew my cheesecake slowly, nudging Jinhyuk’s arm to remind him about taking a bite from my plate so we’re even. And he did, but I didn’t feed him like he did to me.

“I got a deal,” he struggled to talk with a spoonful of cheesecake in his mouth, holding a finger up to tell me to wait while he finished chewing. He looked like a chipmunk with his cheeks puffed like that—I giggled. “Since we’re, like, not in love with each other, why don’t we secretly date people?”

I almost choked once his sentence was finished, and he looked as confused as I was, “What the hell? Are you suggesting me to cheat? Or—no, do you want to cheat on me?”

“What?” He snorted. “It’s not like we’re married because we love each other. Look at the bright side,” he leaned forward, moving his chair closer to mine so he could speak in a low voice without being heard by anyone else on our table. His musky cologne made my head spun at first, but somehow I managed to enjoy it. “You get to experience a whole new love life you thought was over because you’re now married. We can date people, not behind our back, but behind our parents’ back.”

“Jinhyuk,” I whispered, “You’re crazy for this.”

“You can invite them over, we can do double dates and tell the media the same thing—but they don’t know the truth. ‘Oh, it’s a double date! It’s Jinhyuk and Wooseok, and another couple!’, but what they don’t know is, it’s Jinhyuk,”—he pointed to himself, and poked my chest afterward—“Wooseok, and their lovers.”

But, I was intrigued. It sounded like a once in a lifetime offer that you could not get anymore once you turned it down. I looked at him through the corner of my eyes and saw him raising an eyebrow, challenging me.

“So? What do you think? Would thee accept my offer, dear husband?”

I snorted at his silly action, then I took my wine glass and brought it close to my lips, my eyes wandering, “So, we get to be husbands because of an arrange marriage, but to make it less suck, we can still arrange a secret rendezvous with our lovers?”

Jinhyuk nodded, a mischievous smile on his face, “Exactly.”

“To our agreement,” I offered him my wine glass, and he get what I meant. He took his wine glass as well, and we cheered, softly bumping our wine glass together, it made a clink.

At that moment, I didn’t know what was waiting for me.

Months went by and I was sure that I had the perfect life. At least, our agreement made it perfect because I would go to McDonald’s drive thru with this guy named Seungyoun, ordered a couple burgers and fries and cokes, and we strolled around the city while we shared kisses and danced to songs played on the radio (he made me mixtapes, sometimes), we even had sex once on his car’s backseat.

And when I get home, Jinhyuk was there on the sofa with some cute guy that had his head laying on Jinhyuk’s chest. He was sleeping soundly, and Jinhyuk would put his finger on his lips to tell me to be quiet. Few days later, I learned that his name was Sejin. He was a sweet, sweet guy and I was envy of how beautiful he was.

“Had a great night with Seungyoun?” Jinhyuk asked me one morning, chewing his toasted bread while I was making pancakes. “I kind of missed you.”

I chuckled, “What’s gotten into you?” It was pretty weird, hearing that from Jinhyuk. But I shrugged it off, distracted by my smooth pancakes.

“I miss cuddling with you. You’re still my cuddle buddy, you know?” I spared my time to turn to take a look at him, and Jinhyuk was pouting like a little child who just lost his balloon due to his own stupidity. “Mom and Dad invited us to dinner. Can you come?”

I pursed my lips, nodding a little, “Alright. I can come.”

I didn’t know when I started to catch feelings for you, Jinhyuk, but I think it started from that morning. And that night; the dinner with your parents.

You were there. You were stunning with that black tuxedo that reeks of your favorite musky cologne. I studied your face, your jawline, the way you laugh, and the way you squeezed my hand under the table when your parents were praising us for being so adorable, such a beautiful couple—because you were afraid that I was uncomfortable hearing those praises when none of them were true.

What the actual problem was, I felt uncomfortable because I kind of wished that, at least, some of them were true. I felt uncomfortable because I felt like a rebel; I broke our agreement.

That night, I had the urge to kiss you and I couldn’t hold it much longer. We kissed at the back of your car, the chauffeur darted his gaze to the road once I caught him staring at us through the rear-view mirror. Your lips were suffocating me yet I could finally breathe at the same freaking time. It was confusing.

All of this was confusing. But once I found the answer, I freaked out.

I coughed flowers the next morning. I freaked out.

And it gets worse, so here I am now. At the hospital. Waiting for it to be removed by the doctor.

Jinhyuk is now sitting next to my hospital bed once he’s done talking to the nurse. I don’t bother asking, I don’t care either. I just want to spend the last minute of having this feeling for him by examining his face. He’s pretty busy with his phone, I guess he’s talking to Sejin. I don’t want to ask; I don’t want to know.

“Hey,” he purses his lips to a faint smile, holding my hand in his, again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I cough and I quickly cover my mouth using my other hand that’s not being held by Jinhyuk. There’s blood and another petal on it. I stare at it with a blank expression, my mind goes empty. I can’t think of another yet the petal seems beautiful, only if it’s not covered in blood.

Jinhyuk grabs a tissue and brings my hand closer to him. He cleans the blood and petal on my palm, his face is being washed with concern, “I hope that bastard—whoever he or she is—will realize that they just miss the opportunity of having someone as amazing as you in their life.”

I chuckle. I’m not that self-centered to agree that I’m an amazing partner, but I hope you do realize, Jinhyuk.

But, wait. I guess you won’t. Because, technically, you already are my partner; my husband. You already have me in your life. I’m just asking for a removal of the petals and my feelings. I’m not asking for a divorce.

I smile, a bitter one. Realizing how fucked up my life is at this very second. But, as soon as the doctor comes in and tell that the operation is going to be held in a few minutes, I squeeze Jinhyuk’s hand in mine.

“I love you,” Jinhyuk says, kissing the back of my hand gently. It’s meaningless, since I still have this fucking petals coming out of my lungs every time I cough.

Maybe, I think to myself, once this is over, I can say ‘I love you, too’ to you—without having to be suffocated by this beautiful flowers in my lungs that you gave me.


End file.
